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pastoral publishing in the 21st century

What to Say at a Funeral

4/6/2017

2 Comments

 
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What do you say in the face of death?  What do you say to grieving family, friends, or neighbors?  What has been said to you when you lost a loved one? 

There’s the awkward moment in the greeting line at the funeral home.  There is a hesitation the first time you see a friend after his mom died.  There is the debate over whether you should call, stop by, or send a card.  Or what do you say a month later, or on the one year anniversary?
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Knowing there are a variety of circumstances and contexts, here are a few things to say at death.
Nothing.  There is a time for silence and presence.  Don’t say anything.  Just a hug.  Just sitting next to the bereaved.  Just holding a hand.  Presence is its own speech.  It says, “You’re not alone.  I’m with you.  I love you.”

God gave you an amazing _________.  Fill in the blank with father/mother, brother/sister, friend, spouse, etc.  What this does is celebrate the goodness of what God has created.  These relationships, flawed as they may be, are gifts from God.  Acknowledge the blessing that God gave.  Point to the gratitude we have for God-given people.  (Ps. 107:1)

It’s OK to cry.  Give them permission to grieve.  We often hear, “You’ve got to be strong.”  No, death sucks.  It is a wicked consequence of a broken world.  We must grieve this fact.  We won’t ever heal if we don’t first grieve the loss.  (John 11:35)

I don’t know . . . but I know.  What about the death of a young person, or a sudden and tragic death?  In the face of heartbreaking circumstances, it’s OK to say, “I don’t know.”  A funeral prayer says, “Help us, Lord, in the midst of things we cannot understand, to believe and find comfort in the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting.” 

There is so much we don’t know.  But there are a few things we DO know.  Faith clings to it's undisputed certainties.  Christ crucified.  Christ risen.  “I don’t know why this happened, but I do know that Jesus has come to bring life.”  

Jesus died on a Friday.  His closest friends were confused, depressed, and dejected.  But today, we call that Friday "Good Friday."  God works life out of the most deathly peril.  

You carry on a God-given legacy.  Lift up the faithful life of those who have died in Christ. If the deceased held tightly to Jesus, remind the bereaved.  God gives us exemplars, spiritual fathers and mothers.  They received a heritage of faith that has been passed on to you. 

Augustine once said, “We are all dwarves standing on the backs of giants.”  Praise God for the giants.  And remind the dwarves that at some point, they become the shoulders upon which others will stand.  (Ps. 71:18)

We believe in this wild thing called resurrection.  As we approach Easter, we witness the stunning fact that a dead man came back to life.  Death is not a dead end for those who are in Christ.  The Christian hope is not simply in “a better place.”  Our hope is grounded in resurrection, the restoration of the body and soul that God created.  (I Cor. 15) 

The risen Jesus is God’s ultimate word in the face of death.  It must be the final message of every funeral. 

Our God is a God of life.
Christ is risen.
Death is dead.
“Whether we live or whether we die, we belong to the Lord.” (Rom. 14:8)
“I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.”  (John 11:25-26)

God bless you as you prepare for Holy Week.

Share any words that have given you comfort in the face of death.
2 Comments
Elfriede Elfriede
4/10/2017 05:52:26 am

Thank you for sharing your inspirational thoughts,
I will add , "I don't know..."
"God gave you an amazing....."
To my list. As I age I'm confronted with death more often, and that I need to be more bold about my Jesus.
You are a blessing to me. ❤️👵🏻

Reply
William C. Heller Jr.
4/20/2017 09:11:07 pm

Growing old is not the time to think you don't have a job. Recently I retired from my job and now I see a new door opening, one I can now dedicated my life in serving the Lord with all my heart. I had been praying for guidance and searching what God would have me do.
This is the scripture God gave me from Colossians chp 3 verses 16-17.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another, in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
And whatever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
This was such a comfort to me because I was searching God's approval and asking Him to be used by the Holy Spirit.
I will be 74 years of age this July but I only see my self as a little child of God the Father. There is no greater joy than to talk to someone about Jesus Christ my Lord and tell them the good news of salvation.
I am a jew and yet I know for certain that Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, for God himself had shown me all the scriptures that witness about His Son the Messiah named also Immanuel.
I am certain that God's Word is truth as all had taken place of what God had written and what is yet to come and be fullfilled.
To all who believe in Jesus our Lord I say read God's Word often and He will show you the way, truth and the life as well he will use you in ways you will be overwhelmed as the Holy Spirit reveals all truths.
May God keep you in His Love for all eternity.
Your servant of servants in Christ,Jesus

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  • Blog
  • About
    • Sixth Generation
    • Jeff Cloeter
    • If you're not a Christian . . .
    • Contact
  • Loved & Sent
    • Get The Book
    • Endorsements
    • The Stories
    • My Children's Book
  • The Daily Pattern